Family ties

Browsing candidate websites can be dangerous. Especially late at night. With friends.

We were simply reviewing the immigration policies of the four candidates; starting with Santorum, then going to Romney, Paul and Gingrich.

Gingrich’s platform inspired me.

First, where all the other candidates’ had issue pages, he had solutions. Gingrich must have no issues.

Secondly, he has a ten point plan. And then listed the three principles of immigration reform. Maybe he’s been communicating with Perry a little too much.

But it gets better. Until tonight, I didn’t realize Gingrich was such a fashion guru.

Here’s the third principle.

We must reconcile the goal of legality with the reality that there are millions of immigrants currently here outside the law, some with a long set of family and community ties, and some with no ties.

Goodness, no. Immigrants with no ties? The horror. We must get them ties. We must start a new charity: ties for immigrants. Then they need not be deported.

But he’s not done. The paragraph continues

A system has to be established that establishes legality but no citizenship for those with deep ties,…

Stop right there. Apparently just immigrants with any ties isn’t good enough for Gingrich. He’s more discriminationg than that when it comes to citizenship. Which for the sake of fashon, is probably a good thing. After all, deep ties can be disturbing.

 

Yes, those with deep ties certainly shouldn’t be citizens. We must go for short ties.

On second thought, that isn’t much of an improvement. Maybe Gingrich has more to say—oh yes, let’s go back to the principle statement

…repatriates those with no family or community ties in a dignified way…

Dignity. That's what was missing. Yeah, the deep ties are out. As are the undignified short ties. That leaves us with bow ties:

Come on. We can do better.

Finally, that’s progress. A tie. Check. Short. Check. Dignified. Check.


After all, bow ties are cool.

I wonder what Gingrich’s policy is on the fez.